My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
