just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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