did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
