in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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