Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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