she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
