he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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