I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
