I like my sex mixed with concussions.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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