She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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