it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
