I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
