I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
