You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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