you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
