It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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