oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
