I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
