That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
