hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
