I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
