im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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