I love black thongs
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think i have two assholes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I want her autograph on my taint
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
