I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
