i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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