I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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