I think im going to throw up on grandma
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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