too bad you live with your parents still
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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