Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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