am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
