pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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