i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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