i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
