I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
