I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so let's talk penis.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
