Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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