what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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