you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
