You just made me feel so damn special
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
