i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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