There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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