it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
