She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
