Screwed.edu
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
