I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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