The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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