I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
