fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
