the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
