She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
