i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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