Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
