Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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