No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
