Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
