The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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