I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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