So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
