Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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