I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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