I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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