The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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