We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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