i think my mom watched the whole time
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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