literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
