Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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