hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
