Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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