in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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