Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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