bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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