I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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