well I can't set my house on fire every night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
